So, what next

The last time I spoke to the nurse, she figured that I would get my period at the end of November and the end of December, so I figured I would take those two months off and be in time for the January IVF cycle and we would use what we froze after the last cycle. So, when I got my period almost exactly 28 days after my miscarriage, I was surprised and then again 28 days later. Apparently that is unusual! I was still not quite prepared to get back into the stirups, so I didn't call the doctor's office until this week for a review of the failed IVF and the pow wow about what we will do next. The doctor will be having surgery and will return around the middle of January, so I have an appointment on January 29th to discuss what is next. So, once again, I am being forced to skip at least one cycle (January) and my bet is that we will have to skip February, too, since I don't see much of a way to get me ready for a cycle in a couple of weeks, but what can I do? I think after this cycle with this doctor, we will be going to a new clinic. I will be seeing my OB/GYN this week and will be talking to her about that (unless she is delivering a baby, in which case I will be crying to a completely new doctor, which I am sure will go over REALLY well!)

This will be the 4th appointment that I have scheduled with the OB since this summer. My first appointment would have been the week I was having the IVF, so both doctors offices told me to change the appointment, so I did - to the day before Thanksgiving. When we arrived for that appointment, we were told that the doctor was in surgery and there was no one else and we tried to call you... So, I was given a new appointment for December 16th. Who would have thought that my period would be regular??? But, it arrived on the 15th, so I had to call to cancel. I was told that it was too bad that I had to cancel, since my doctor is booking into March. I told her that it was too bad that I was going back to have another IVF next month, so March wouldn't work and it needed to be this month. It was amazing how quickly she found me an appointment on the 23rd! Of course, my doctor will be on call and there are probably loads of women who will be giving birth, just in time for Christmas, but of course that won't be me...

Amazingly enough, I just finished my Christmas cards last night. Ok, so I really started them last night - we went to the store, picked out a picture and for the first year ever, our family is sending out a photo Christmas card. I was hoping to use a nice picture taken of us in front of Cinderella's castle at night, but the only ones of just us were in the rain and we were kind of dressed in parts of our Halloween costumes, so I nixed that one! We got them printed, addressed and stamped 5 days before Christmas! We have gotten some really depressing ones this year (depressing for me, not for the people sending them). One with lots of pictures of my friend's baby in it and a request for me to call her, since I love talking to people about my inability to get pregnant. Then there is the one from DH's cousin - the husband's hand is on the quickly expanding pregnant belly of his wife. Then, from DH's aunt and uncle, the picture of them, their 6 children and eight grandchildren. The card they sent to my MIL & FIL is just of the two of them with all 8 grandkids with a note about 8 angels and more to come in 2009. I know it isn't meant to be a slap in the face, but it sure feels like one. That is the same aunt who, at our wedding, told me that she expected to be invited to a baby shower soon. That was two and a half years ago. We were REALLY hoping to be pregnant and able to share the news AT our wedding, but we can all see how well that worked out.

I was thinking about the whole situation yesterday, wondering if I should just give up the whole Baby Quest. As much as I don't want to, giving up just seems easier. No more shots, no more invasive doctor's appointments to start my day. No more throwing money downthe drain for something that may never happen... Especially in this economy. DH didn't work for half of October. He went back to work for two weeks before Thanksgiving and nothing since then and they think he may go back in the middle of January, but who knows. We think that my job is safe, but nothing is certain now. And I really don't think that DH would object to just stopping. He has to be sick of all of this. He is likely just going along because it is what I want to do. But, at the same time, I am not ready to give up yet. I thought that I wouldn't be able to do more than two cycles, but with knowing that cycles from frozen are less likely to be successful, I want one more might be successful cycle, which is why I will be talking to the doctor about going to their fertility clinic if the next cycle with my existing doctor fails.

I'm not sure how much I will be able to post during the holidays, although, I'm not sure how many people are following, but in case I don't get back until next weekend, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!