Shocking!

So, I actually came back to post in less than a month! Are you shocked? Anyone... anyone... Ok, so maybe there is no one reading this, but that's ok - I've found that it is theraputic to get all of this out and if someone find this and it helps them understand or get through something similar, then it's worth it. Really, it's been worth it to me anyway!

So, we had the family over for Thanksgiving and sure enough, my M-I-L did it again... Last weekend she was whining that we didn't want her to spend a ton of money on my step-daughter for Christmas, since she already has everything she NEEDS and she doesn't NEED a laptop... "But she's my only grandchild..." I didn't say anything, though, as much as that hurt... We've been trying for over four years and encountered only failures - don't remind me that she is your only grandchild. But we explained to her why we didn't want her spending all of that cash on the kid and I thought she got it. And then they were here for Thanksgiving and she said it again... I just couldn't let it go this time and I thanked her for rubbing my failure in my face and I left the room with a slam of the door... I know we are still in the game, but we haven't told her about the last two procedures, since she shared the news of my miscarriage with the whole family, so we got pity phone calls and I REALLY didn't want any more of those. We also haven't told them that we have someone to surrogate and we won't be telling anyone else until the first trimester is over. My closest friends know and next week my doctor and accupuncturist will know, but that is it, which is hard for me, since I have a REALLY big mouth and tend to overshare. I guess that is where you come in... I can overshare with you to my heart's content!

So, back to my M-I-L, my F-I-L came upstairs to ask me to come back to the kitchen - she was sorry and wanted to talk to me. The truth is, I wasn't all that upset, it just pisses me off that she always says shit like that and thinks she can get away with it, but heaven forbid we say something slightly off to her... So I gave her a taste and she didn't like it. But, I went back downstairs and she apologized. The good news is, my F-I-L knows that she is having problems - I don't know if it is dementia or alzheimers or something else, but there is definately something wrong with her, but she won't get help... he went to talk to the doctor today, about her, and I am hoping that they will get her in to evaluate her, so we can get a handle on whatever is going on with her. I would like her to be here to meet her next grandchild, but I worry that she won't make it that long.

No new news on the surrogate stuff... I see the doc a week from today and I have been carrying my list of questions around: Will I be able to use my own eggs? How do we do this when we live in two different states? Does he know an attorney that can help us draw up the agreements so this will all be legal? Does he know a doctor in her state that can do stuff on that end? Should we transfer more than one? So many questions and I am afraid I will forget something important!!! Maybe they have a surrogate handbook somewhere - that would be cool. Maybe I will have to put one together after this is all over... Or maybe that is what this blog will be!

Well, time for bed! Good night!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

This is the first Thanksgiving in years that I really feel like I have something to give thanks for. So, even though she may never read this, I want to give thanks to my friend K, for being willing to give us the greatest gift anyone could ever give us! I love you more than you will ever know and your generosity just blows me away. I can only hope to find some way to pay it forward, since I know you don't want me to pay you back... You will always be in my heart and part of my family! :-X

I'm the worst blogger ever

Ok, so I haven't been here in a long time... Do I need to tell you that we failed? After the negative result I didn't think I was ever going to come back... I was so heartbroken that the sight of a pregnant woman or a woman with a baby was enough to make me want to crawl back into bed an sob. Thankfully, no one I know has gotten pregnant since then. And then I got a birth announcement. My oldest and dearest friend was due in November and she sent me a picture of her new baby girl. I had been having a good day and the sight of her baby just made me cry. Not exactly the reaction a new mom would be hoping for, but fortunately, she couldn't see my tears through the e-mail. I e-mailed her to congradulate her and told her that we had failed and were done. She e-mailed me back, telling me that she was so sorry and that she would say a prayer for me.

Well, folks, that must have been one hell of a prayer... I'm not pregnant, but a close friend called that night and offered to be a surrogate for us! Thinking about that call last week, still brings tears to my eyes... I can't believe how lucky we are! I've had people say "Oh, I'll surrogate for you" only to say seconds later that they are kidding... You can't kid about something like that - you just can't. Another friend said she has thought about it, but she has not had any children, so she isn't an option. This friend has three children and is healthy. She is in the medical field, so she knows what is involved and she is willing to give us this gift! Of course, the first step is her offer. Now I have to go back and see my doctor to find out how all of this works. We live in different states, but both states support surrogacy. My mind is reeling and I have to wait over a week to see my doctor... I'm hoping my eggs are healthy enough to use. I'm hoping I don't get fired for taking the time off I will need to do all of this, since I would prefer to have the transfer done where she lives, since I don't want her to have to travel after the transfer, plus, I don't want her to have to take any more time than she needs to for this. I just want to make this as easy as I can for her, since she is doing something so huge for us!

Funny thing is, I'm not a religious person... But that prayer came from someone who is... And I am forever grateful to her for this chance!