Shocking!

So, I actually came back to post in less than a month! Are you shocked? Anyone... anyone... Ok, so maybe there is no one reading this, but that's ok - I've found that it is theraputic to get all of this out and if someone find this and it helps them understand or get through something similar, then it's worth it. Really, it's been worth it to me anyway!

So, we had the family over for Thanksgiving and sure enough, my M-I-L did it again... Last weekend she was whining that we didn't want her to spend a ton of money on my step-daughter for Christmas, since she already has everything she NEEDS and she doesn't NEED a laptop... "But she's my only grandchild..." I didn't say anything, though, as much as that hurt... We've been trying for over four years and encountered only failures - don't remind me that she is your only grandchild. But we explained to her why we didn't want her spending all of that cash on the kid and I thought she got it. And then they were here for Thanksgiving and she said it again... I just couldn't let it go this time and I thanked her for rubbing my failure in my face and I left the room with a slam of the door... I know we are still in the game, but we haven't told her about the last two procedures, since she shared the news of my miscarriage with the whole family, so we got pity phone calls and I REALLY didn't want any more of those. We also haven't told them that we have someone to surrogate and we won't be telling anyone else until the first trimester is over. My closest friends know and next week my doctor and accupuncturist will know, but that is it, which is hard for me, since I have a REALLY big mouth and tend to overshare. I guess that is where you come in... I can overshare with you to my heart's content!

So, back to my M-I-L, my F-I-L came upstairs to ask me to come back to the kitchen - she was sorry and wanted to talk to me. The truth is, I wasn't all that upset, it just pisses me off that she always says shit like that and thinks she can get away with it, but heaven forbid we say something slightly off to her... So I gave her a taste and she didn't like it. But, I went back downstairs and she apologized. The good news is, my F-I-L knows that she is having problems - I don't know if it is dementia or alzheimers or something else, but there is definately something wrong with her, but she won't get help... he went to talk to the doctor today, about her, and I am hoping that they will get her in to evaluate her, so we can get a handle on whatever is going on with her. I would like her to be here to meet her next grandchild, but I worry that she won't make it that long.

No new news on the surrogate stuff... I see the doc a week from today and I have been carrying my list of questions around: Will I be able to use my own eggs? How do we do this when we live in two different states? Does he know an attorney that can help us draw up the agreements so this will all be legal? Does he know a doctor in her state that can do stuff on that end? Should we transfer more than one? So many questions and I am afraid I will forget something important!!! Maybe they have a surrogate handbook somewhere - that would be cool. Maybe I will have to put one together after this is all over... Or maybe that is what this blog will be!

Well, time for bed! Good night!