December thru June

I know it seems strange that I didn't keep track of all of the IUI dates. I only kept track of one at a time, hoping that THIS one would be the one that would work, so it would be the only one that I NEEDED to know the date for. After school lets out in June, we take the munchkin and go on vacation. This year, we took one of her friends along. I had an IUI early in the month and was hoping to not get my period while we were on vacation, but of course, I did. Fucking rah... We already had an appointment for a consult with Dr. K for the beginning of July, since his time fills up pretty quickly and we figured if we were pregnant, we could just cancel the appointment. I had another scan, the meeting with the Dr and the teaching for the injectables. We were all set to go and I was hoping to get into the August group, so we just needed my next period to come and we could start the pill.

I have to wonder, though, has anyone ever thought that it just seems so counter productive to put us on the pill to try to get us pregnant? It just seems strange to me, but whatever they need to do...



So, I call when my period starts - like RIGHT when I see the first spotting of the cycle and they tell me to come in Thursday, but they don't have an early appointment, so I can't make it, since the time off schedule at work is full. I tell them that I can't come in until Friday - I mean, I can't pay for IVF if I get fired from my job, right? So the lady tells me that she will take a message for the nurse and she will call me back. I waited for a call all day on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I called back. She put me on hold and told me that the nurse wasn't available and asked if she could take a message. I told her that she couldn't, because I was afraid that it wouldn't be very nice and I hung up, near tears. I waited for the rest of the day and still no call. Thursday morning, I get to work and there is a message from one of the nurses, sounding all casual and not at all stressed out, telling me that since they can't get me in (that morning before work) that she guesses that we will just have to wait until the next cycle...

All I could do was cry. How can they so easily just make me wait another month? We've been trying for over three years and I've been wanting this for more than eight years and you tell me, so casually, that we should just wait another month? I was crushed. Can't they understand that my time is running out? I'm already 38 and my clock has been ticking for ten years! I'm going crazy from the ticking clock in my head. One month of not trying seems like forever. What if THAT is the month that I was supposed to conceive? I had had enough with my clinic. About a year ago, my OB had asked me why I wasn't seeing anyone at the clinic that is across the hall from her office. I explained that when we had started going to that clinic, the clinic across the hall from her wasn't there (which makes me mad, since they are in my network for insurance - not that my insurance covers everything, but it is covering some stuff, but they would have covered more if the doctor had been in network). But, with all of my frustration threatening to blow, I contacted them through their website, wondering if they would take a patient who was getting ready for IVF, but ready to switch doctors and waited for an e-mail response. I called my clinic and left a message for them that waiting another month was not acceptable. I didn't hear back from anyone until that night, after I got home from work. It was the other nurse who called me back, and when she didn't get me at work, she called me at home, where I was under the covers crying out my frustration, trying desperately not to get snot on my pillow (which is what the other nurse should have done the night before, instead of leaving me a message at work, but I digress). This nurse was really great and explained that the timing of my period made it impossible for me to be in the August group, since there wasn't enough time for me to be on the pill and all of the other meds prior to the week that they specifically schedule for the IVF patients. It didn't make me feel any better, but at least I understood that it was a medical thing and not the missing the day 3 scan by one day.