Aftermath

I was lucky, I guess. Because I miscarried so early in my pregnancy, the miscarriage was much like a really heavy and long period. There were occasional twinges of discomfort, that could have been gas, but no real physical pain. Except for my heart breaking... I know people who have had miscarriages, and all of them mention the pain, although all of them were farther along than I was. I'm thankful for that, though. I wasn't home, so I would have been in a strange hospital with doctors I didn't know and I would have screwed up every one's vacation and I really didn't want to do that.



Every week I was going to have my blood drawn, waiting for the hcg levels to go down. It took over 5 weeks, but I was finally back to zero. Just in time for Thanksgiving and another period. RAH... DH and I talked about it and decided to wait until after the holidays to try again, although, I noticed mucus yesterday and we had sex on Friday and again yesterday, which were the first times since the IVF. He really wanted to have sex before my OB appointment on Wednesday, but I felt weird about going to the OB within hours of having sex... I would love to hear other people weigh in on that... I know the joke about the husband who wants to have sex, but the wife tells him she has a gynecologist's appointment in the morning, so he asks if she also has a dentist appointment... BTW, DH took a minute to get that joke - he is so cute!



Then we get to the doctor's office and she had just gone down for surgery. I was pretty pissed - they said they had tried to call, but they didn't have my cell phone number in their system correctly. So, I got put off until December 16th - In the middle of the day. I asked for a morning appointment or the last appointment of the day, but of course there wasn't anything available. I have to take more time off from work, but the thing that really upsets me is I had prepared myself to have to talk about the failed IUIs and the IVF and chemical pregnancy. I knew that I would cry, but I thought that I was ready and now I have to wait another two weeks and get myself ready again. It just pisses me off. But, if I had told her that I was pregnant, I am sure I could have gotten in sooner... I really wanted to change this appointment into a prenatal appointment.



And now we are in the thick of the holiday shopping season. My mil is in a rehabilitation nursing home. She fell at their house and wasn't cooperating with the hospital therapists, so they sent her to the nursing home. She doesn't take care of herself. She smokes, drinks tons on soda and is diabetic. She spends most of her day napping. When she fell, she fractured her elbow and they thought that she may have broken her hip, but, thankfully, she only cracked her pelvic bone. She will likely be in there for a few more weeks, but she hates it there. I worry about her going home, though, since she is having memory issues that could be dementia related to her diabetes not being under control or it could be Alzheimer's. She tells me that she will quit smoking when I get pregnant. After the IVF, she was still smoking, but she went into the hospital for breathing troubles and she did stop smoking for awhile, but says that since I'm not pregnant, she doesn't need to quit. And she doesn't understand why I get upset with her about that. She is killing herself, but she is smoking because I can't get pregnant. I just need to realize that she may not be around to see if we ever succeed, and that just makes me sad, since she had wanted another grandchild since I started dating DH.