Election Day

I first wrote this post on election day, so you didn't miss some strangely moved election day or a time warp of any kind.

I got up early to vote. In a way, I don't really even care about the election, but I have always said that if you don't vote, you can't bitch. And I like bitching WAY too much, so I HAVE to vote. I owe it to myself and everyone else who can't to do what I can to try to make this country better.

It's hard to think about anything else, but the loss of the baby that I had wanted so badly. Strange that only wanna be moms and pro lifers would consider it a baby. Twenty years ago I wouldn't have. Hell, ten years ago I wouldn't have. But I wanted so badly to believe that we had finally been successful and then, once again, I failed. Today I came across a blog, and I am not sure about the rules of naming other blogs here, so once I check with that blogger, I will edit this post to name her blog. It chronicles the IVFs, pregnancy and parenting of a couple who were finally successful after several IVFs. I can't even imagine going through as many as they did (and I have since found blogs where her number is low. You ladies are amazing!) My mom's best friend did 10 cycles of IVF and was never successful. But that was back in the 80s and the success rates are better now, but I can't imagine her pain. Realizing that the one thing you have wanted and worked towards for so long will never happen to you. But, back to the blog... I think I love the woman who writes it! It made me realize how not alone I am and that I needed to write all of this journey down. I need to get it out of my system so we can try to start fresh after the new year, when we try again for another cycle.

So, back to the TTC beginning... We started our quest by having my DH's vasectomy reversed about 3 and a half years ago. After he healed, we started trying, and while it was fun, it wasn't successful, so due to by being in my mid 30s, after six months I spoke to my OB. She recommended that we have him checked, just to make sure his count was up to where it should be and she gave me a basal body temperature chart to track my cycle and try to improve our chances of conceiving. By the time I spoke to her, my DH had proposed and we were planning our wedding for the following summer, so we decided to wait until after the wedding to involve the doctors. I was REALLY hoping to anounce that we were expecting at our wedding... So, after the honeymoon, DH went and had his numbers checked and the motility wasn't where they wanted it to be, but the numbers were good. So, after consulting with the RE who shares the office with the Urologist, we decided to try an IUI. We tried a couple of rounds (sorry - the timeline here isn't exact - it was over 2 years ago) and clearly failed, so we ran some tests, the run of the mill ultrasounds, a hysteroscopy and a sonohystogram. There may have been more, but it just got to the point that I was just going where they told me to go, when they told me to be there and I had taken pain killers or not depending on what they told me. What they found was a fibroid and they told me that the fibroid could be the reason that we hadn't been successful. So it had to come out.

January 2007 - the surgery was scheduled, the time scheduled off from work, but only one person knew what those days were for, until a meeting the day before surgery, when someone asked what I would be doing on my very long weekend. So I told them. It was an interesting way to bring down a room! The laproscopic surgery went well and they were able to remove the fibroid. To do the surgery, they had to pump my abdomen full of air, so Dr. K warned us that I would likely have gas for a few days... HA! I fooled him - I ALWAYS have gas! But this gave me an excuse! The follow up appointments went well - we did more HSGs to see how things were healing and after a few months and removal of the stiches, we were ready for another IUI! I had been so impatient to get back to my BQ (Baby Quest) that even the HSGs didn't bother me. In fact, Dr. K told a group of interns that I was an excellent patient to observe (he said this to more than one group - this one and another one just recently - I was proud), since I have such a high pain tollerance. I have heard that many patients have trouble with the cramping, even after taking the recommended pain killers. I'm glad for my high tolerance, but I also wonder how those poor people will handle labor! I must admit to hoping for natural childbirth, if I am ever that lucky, but I will be the first one to ask for drugs if it gets that bad!

Then, last October, I noticed a lump in my abdomen. Just under the skin, it moved, but it didn't hurt and it was above my left hip bone, a bit towards the belly button. I went to a clinic and they had no idea. They would have thought that it was a hernia, but it didn't hurt when they touched it and moved it, so they sent me to a surgeon. When I went to see him, I explained that I was going through fertility treatments, which is why I was concerned. I also explained that I was on chlomid and getting ready for my next IUI, so we needed to figure out what this was and do it pretty quickly, since I would likely be going in for the IUI in about a week. The hospital said that they could get me in in two weeks. He called them back and got me in the following Monday! He said it was either a fatty tumor or a hernia. If it was a tumor, I could be back at work in two to three days. If it was a hernia, three to six weeks. So, just in case, I got myself, my boss and my partner in crime ready for me to be gone for six weeks, knowing that if I did that, I would be back in two days. And then I had my scan and my IUI was scheduled for the morning of my surgery! Way to pack my day with medical visits!


ok, this post is getting long, so I will leave this off here and post more later!