Happy Veterans Day

Ok, so I actually wrote this post last week, in my journal, but I am still trying to catch up. Almost there.

I don't feel happy, but I had been feeling better - less depressed, but perhaps it was the dreary day and the pregnant people around me, or hearing the accidental mom at work talking (loudly) about her son, or maybe it is just the hormones... Who knows. I guess you can't count on your depression to go away completely, just because you have a couple of not so bad days.

So, back to our story... I had been stressed out about getting the time off that I would need from work - 1 day for the retrieval and three days after the implanting. And I won't be able to give that much notice to my boss, since I won't get that much notice. When your follicles are ready to go, you take the shot and 33 hours later, you are back at the doctors office for retrieval! Then, depending on how the meeting goes (you know... the first meeting of egg and sperm. Do they like each other? Do they stay on different sides of the gym, like a Catholic School dance? Do the eggs beat up the sperm? Do the sperm think that the egg looks fat? Or is it love at first sight?) will depend on when you go back for the transfer - day three or day five. And by day three, they mean that day one is the day after the retrieval, just to make sure that we are all on the same timing page.

So, after much back and forth in my own head, and talking to my DH about it, I decide to talk to my boss and let her know what is going on. Two days after one of our really good people quit... Not the best time to ask to talk to the boss behind closed doors! So, I started with "Can I talk to you?" and followed very quickly with "I'm not quitting." to try to put her at ease. I sat down, opened my mouth to start speaking and I started crying. Not the sweet, ladylike tears that the ladies in the movies or on tv cry. NO. I was sobbing so hard, I couldn't even get the words out. She offered me her box of tissues as I produced by own handful out of my pocket. I told her that we have been trying to get pregnant for quite awhile and that, clearly, it hadn't worked. I told her that we had been trying before the last eight (yes - 8) babies had been born to people in our department and that we were now moving on to IVF. I explained that I would be needing days off and wouldn't be able to give her as much notice as I would like for those days and that I may not be able to avoid those days that are marked full on the department vacation calendar. She was so amazing about the whole thing, even though I could tell the sobbing had made her uncomfortable. She told me not to worry about the full days on the calendar - they had started making exceptions when people came asking for days off when the calendar was full and a medical reason would definitely be accepted, since some of the other exceptions that had been presented didn't really fall under what she considered a valid reason for requesting a day off on a full day.

All at once, some of the weight that had been making my shoulders it's home, was lifted! No more needing to be vague about my frequent trips to the doctor. No more worrying that my all important appointments would fall on full days. I can't even tell you how much better that conversation made me feel. And stress is bad when you are trying to get pregnant (which is why everyone tells you to stop worrying about it and stop thinking about it. I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you over the ticking of my biological clock...), so this just improved my chances, or at least that is what I told myself.